If you’ve been in the world of Catholic gentle parenting for a while, you’ve probably heard of a calm down corner, this magical place where your toddler who just threw a sock at you is suddenly serenely and quietly practicing emotional regulation and then going off to play independently for two hours while you take an uninterrupted shower and nap.
And of course, it’s perfectly coordinated with toys and activities placed just so and comfy cushions that have never seen a marker.
Okay, sarcasm aside, calm down corners can actually be a really incredible opportunity to foster emotional regulation. And taking a calm down corner, but making it Catholic, with references to our faith? Seems like it would be perfect, right?
Possibly, but it needs to be done right. Read on for what a Catholic calm down corner is, why I don’t think they work, and what to do instead.
First, what is a Catholic calm down corner?
Well, to answer that question, we have to know what a calm down corner is (sans my sarcastic description above).
A calm down corner is a dedicated space in your home where your child practices emotional regulation. Typically it includes some posters for feelings identification, maybe some inspiring quotes, and books and toys that foster emotional regulation.
It’s a place that children know they can go to if they are feeling “big feelings” and need a place to quiet and come back to calm. Ideally, children learn how to work through their emotions in a place that feels safe so they can identify what they’re feeling and come up with coping strategies to work through it appropriately.
A Catholic calm down corner is a traditional calm down corner, but with Jesus added in. Oftentimes, Catholic calm down corners will include religious imagery, connecting feelings with our path to sainthood, and swap out secular emotional regulation books (which often contain New Age philosophies) with inspiring quotes and reading related to our faith.
How can I create a Catholic calm down corner?
There are dozens of blog posts and YouTube tutorials on setting up a secular calm down corner, so you can definitely start there! Then, add in elements of faith to make your own Catholic calm down corner – do your children have a stuffed Jesus or Mary doll you can include? What about a favorite religious book or album? Are there any inspiring and calming pieces of Catholic artwork you could hang on the wall?
But before you start filling up your Etsy cart, let me tell you this first…
Catholic calm down corners don’t work.
Imagine you were going to the doctor’s office for a procedure that scared you. You weren’t sure what was going to happen, and you definitely didn’t feel safe.
You tell a friend how you’re feeling and they respond, “Oh, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry!”
Did that make you worry any less?
Maybe it’s just a matter of semantics, but as a therapist and Catholic mom trying to gentle parent, all “calm down corners” remind me of is being yelled at to “just calm down!” when I was a child having big feelings.
And let me tell you, being told to “calm down” did absolutely nothing to, you know, actually calm me down. (In fact, it was typically the opposite reaction.)
Also, most calm down corners I’ve seen expect a kiddo to be able to sit in one spot and identify their feelings, which a) doesn’t work for neurodivergent families, b) doesn’t really do much, because emotional identification is not the same thing as emotional regulation (the equivalent of knowing you have a problem, but not knowing the solution), and c) have these people ever met children?!
Not to mention that most of them look way to pristine to actually be used.
But the main reason that I find Catholic calm down corners don’t work is because parents try to implement them on their own, without a larger family culture supporting Catholic emotional regulation.
It’s like putting a new coat of paint on a car that’s breaking down – sure, it will look nice, but it won’t change what’s actually broken underneath.
Why Catholic calm down corners (on their own) don’t work
Okay, real talk: How many of those pristine calm down corners you see online do you think are actually getting used?
Yeah, that was my beef, too. As a therapist who is super passionate about play-based learning, I have been disappointed by the unrealistic elements of popular calm down corners (let alone all the New Age ideals…).
I wanted to help my kids learn how to regulate their emotions anywhere, not just in one pristine corner of our home. So I created my own! We call it the “Kingdom Corner” but the best part it is that is portable.
Because I don’t know about your kids, but mine don’t always throw a tantrum in the same spot where I can conveniently get them to a designated corner of the house (let alone in our house at all).
And because we’ve built a foundation of Catholic emotional regulation in our home for the whole family (yep, because I need to regulate my own emotions at all the meltdowns too!), our Kingdom Corner actually works. It regulates my kids, and me, we draw closer to our faith and each other, and our home becomes a lot more peaceful in the chaos.
So what’s the alternative to a Catholic calm down corner?
Commit to Catholic emotional regulation as a family! When you make Catholic emotional regulation part of your family culture, then a Catholic calm down corner can easily integrate into what you’re already doing.
If you’re looking for a Catholic emotional regulation program to help build that family culture, I’d love for you to try out Interior Kingdom.
Interior Kingdom is a Catholic emotional regulation program designed to calm the chaos that big feelings cause in our Domestic Churches. It’s a course + membership that also includes printable materials to make your own Kingdom Corner – all from a Catholic perspective and rooted in helping regulate the whole family and draw them closer to God and each other.
The course itself is life-changing and transformative for families to center emotional regulation and feelings in our pursuit of holiness (plus all the practical how-to’s to actually implement it in your family without losing your mind), but I also include everything you’ll need to make your own Kingdom Corner that you’ll actually use.
It includes everything you’ve come to expect from a Catholic calm down corner kit, except better because:
It’s portable, so it doesn’t require your overstimulated kiddo to sit in one spot.
It’s all digital, which allows for customization and printing multiple sets for around the house or travel.
It teaches coping skills through a fun and interactive game-like model, not just feelings identification.
It incorporates our faith, so your family naturally learns to call on Jesus and the saints to return to peace.
Hundreds of Catholic families have already seen huge transformations in their families through the Interior Kingdom program, and I’d love for yours to be the next. You can learn more and sign up here.
